Day

   Sometimes I enjoy looking at the sky with an absent minded perspective, often without realizing at first I'm doing so. I feel at home and complete as if anything else is under what I'm experiencing. The darkness and fragility of the human experience is often blinding but what's beyond this is easy and unconditional. Recently I was thinking of us as characters and how our drama is just a complex act. When I drink enough kava this is extremely pronounced. I'll indulge in sadness just to feel, I'll get angry because I want to experience. I'll experience things just because it allows that wiggle room in the moment. This is experience from the inside and without it this movement would not occur. Similar to a show or act. It's importance is irrelevant as it can end at any time and whats outside functions with or without soul level interaction anyways. It must hold something though as there would be no reason this all exists. The most powerful vision I've ever been shown was of a mirrored sky far away while still physically on the ground. Invincible what flowed from it through me is what keeps me alive and moving. If anything is done, everything is fine. We live for less than 100 years in most cases, this is nothing to what is outside. Just a dream to navigate. I had a dream last night and looked in a mirror without realizing I was having one and I was a completely different person in a familiar place and unfamiliar situation. If I didn't realize this this only tells me every experience is equal to it. We play roles in our own environment for the show we are constantly learning from It's times like these I'm so grateful for the gift of life even if not ideal and only getting darker. After the worst I'll know another experience, I'll realize more when I'm free into the sky again I couldn't get from any other incarnation on earth. Essential? Possibly not but useful if a time calls for it then it was worth something for what it was. Be the best character you can be, that's all you know and it's the only chance you'll get to be this one. 

Night

   Tonight I was looking at some reviews for restaurants I was considering. I tend to like to read the lowest reviews because they usually display something more authentic about human misery. How people act under stress and deprivation shows how though we are naturally kind beings, we also have a core that overrides all of this in certain conditions that also can allow through misguided hostility. Everything looks worse from the people to the world. This is one of our worst flaws and an issue with these flesh vessels altogether. The limitations set by various levels of pain. Some can be resolved, others may not currently. The modern world has not changed people as much as many tend to think but revealed under its umbrella of technology and social media what people always had the capability to be. There are many when happy will also want to inflict some sort of negativity on others in the same fashion on another side of this same coin. But again and again we are shown we are capable of moving beyond this through actions and emotions. But it hangs on conditions and I feel this is where the problem is. Where does one issue begin and another end. One action that hurt someone else did come from another and did it really hurt someone or was it that the person was conditioned too much by another thing in their life to be much more hurt by it than they were. All of this from the source would need to first be untangled to solve much of anything or at least begin to.
   From a higher perspective it can possibly be seen but a perspective can't reach down and change anything. Action needs to be taken and the majority must agree after seeing clearly enough. This often brings me to thinking about the nature of the human physical experience because on one level or another as long as there is pain this vessel can't bare for long then it will continue and misdirection will continue in the name of a bad mood or life. A tired person can't feel awake, a hungry person can't stop thinking about food unless something suppresses it but even then it eats away at them. Through this all we have meaningful experiences anyways, sometimes things are just to be experienced and it's such a strong urge. Almost instinct that doesn't have origin in the flesh, my only answer is that this is just a collective archive accumulation. When we experience pleasure and the absence of most pain but the mind remains we finally see this. We realize insignificance in a positive perspective removed from what is usually perceived that's more accurate. The lack of clarity defines everything here but the introduction of more of it increasingly renders the flesh useless. This only feeds back into itself, to end all suffering would be to end everything but this unique experience would be erased. Our drive to live biologically is all that still holds it together layered with fear of death and more pain. To lose this would free us from this prison but end this unique experience. The end goal is to break the cycle for good but when is the right time? No one is ever ready, the more its waited on the worst it gets but the more experience is gained. The answer is probably out of our hands due to our limitations of what our senses can use and how they're used with our bodies. The only thing that can be done is keep it in mind and hope the mind isn't corrupted as easily but our biological systems aren't invincible and eventually it occurs even if this all is realized. How can we live closer to the space outside the cycle?

night

   When I first started getting into the internet as we know it today I was obsessed with collecting data and dividing it. Any movie I enjoyed, I had to download it. Any image from a search engine related to something I liked or from an image board if even in the loosest way possible. But as I got older, started running out of space, and realizing how infinite data is I stopped doing so, keeping only what I had use of at the click of a button. A single 1 TB could store a single image copied any number of times or copied and slightly altered with each copy and be filled eventually. This image can somehow be bloated past 100 MB's or more. What if the drive breaks? Concepts like this and the amount of formats available used that can hold identical or nearly so data made me wonder what the actual value is in hoarding data, personally I feel it's something for a network of machines building an archive of everything available on any network ever, updated by the minute, and accessible to anyone but to the average user if this is not strictly personalized and put into divided folders then without a constantly updated whole it's just going to be a mess. There's satisfaction to be found in that for the user who over time puts effort and backs up what their personal archive is and by putting it on the internet can even contribute to the satisfaction of others. Yet in order for mass gathering and availability to occur someone needs to make that system and pay for that hardware. We archive to satisfy and possibly leave something behind but a machine only does what it needs to at the hands of the programmer. It doesn't care about what content it carries, it doesn't care if this is the same image with a different file name, nor does it care what anyone thinks about said content. It simply gathers and gives at the will of the creator. Since this is still human will at work and nothing is going to do something like this on it's own and many of us hold the desire to be like this machine, what does this say about us? What about how someone doing something just to know the feeling of it? This is not just computer data but data on the outside too unable to be completely inputted into a system as complete as experienced. We have a strong desire to know, sometimes for not much of a reason at all and keep it with us and we do at some level. I believe this is key to understanding part of our purpose as we exist now, we gather and each in our own unique way. Two people may look at the same picture and see something entirely different creating a difference in the data of that experience in connection to that photo. Something was created on both ends and the more people that see it the more will be created, the same two people can look at it a different time and get different results to. What is storing this though specifically? Everything that occurs is not useless and has some sort of splash effect but we can't always observe it, this occurs outside of the subconscious but as a result of it often. What would any sort of events be without memory? Something that occurred, this memory does not need to be anything we would view as significant but our source appears to need it and we are the extension that has been given amnesia just to get it all. This is the nature of things that occur, things done to learn for no purpose in particular. Sometimes we as conscious beings use it but otherwise there is no reason but that there is nothing left to do. If god is everything than it's up to it's own unavoidable movement to organize itself continually and create within it. This has no limits that can be reached and the individual is able to do anything to contribute. What is done individually should be done in value to you with learning in mind knowing that even when this life is lost nothing will be that has previously happened. Technology to grasp more and make available data from our own species on our own networks a file at a time is only an extension of what we were created under but our biology has limits. Limits resulting in interesting functions in themselves but still begging the question of what will happen when we can no longer handle our technology to gather and progress further? This is already occurring under the surface, so many falling ill and dying due to radiation from our own devices from the wifi router to the cell phone. To go back to health would be to either destroy or lessen these technologies effect on our biology but this would leave us with little other options and our brains can only learn so much, so fast especially in specific contexts. A single book can take over a week but a machine can scan and analyze the content in possibly less than an hour. This struggle itself creates only more data but the bigger question is now knowing this is what is the most authentic and valuable way to live and progress as both individuals and as a whole with everything else? What will satisfy but also allow the most variety? 

Day

  When I'm in a car going somewhere further than I normally walk I tend to take interest in the sidewalks between places or the narrow strip of road that can barely be called one in relation to where I'm going. Usually the store or going somewhere to eat offers a manufactured modern comfort with many ways to enjoy it yet you're bombarded with products offering something natural with connections to a place you would find outside the dull streets outside or even in terms of a certain grocery store organic. Things from outside at some point in direct connection with a natural aspect of our world largely untouched by humans given through means far less so. From my experience as a walker unable to drive myself what is felt that is most vibrant on the outside without any forced pleasure of sight, sound, or touch are isolated aspects of sensory input  from things experienced. Things that occupy my mind and bridge gaps where there's nothing but concrete and cold air, it gives this vague area life I can use so that I don't stop moving. Without this there is nothing but input and the absence of self is uncomfortable. There's nothing to do, nothing to say, and nowhere to go. Anything that is felt is the final answer, that's all there is presently from where the point of observance is. But these places to go and what they offer is catering to an addiction we need to thrive, the addiction to comfortably experience the whole of our own world brought to us in a way we can appreciate with our senses. Many will walk into a grocery store and buy organic produce to cook later, they possibly been to a store of ready made products before or simply enjoyed the night sky from the comfort of a vehicle or the parking lot itself. Maybe it was a restaurant where they were served exotic food and this bond with the area they were outside of this experience has now been interconnected with the essence of the location outside allowing the aspects of of it to be felt as an extension of the related restaurants focus that happens to be less industrialized. With this they may feel motivated and healthy with a more open perception in attention to details of the world around them but they didn't make these things they used, they didn't contribute to their harvest. They only spent some money and moved somewhere in a position to observe what they did and how they did. Nothing had to occur but the experience of connection through a separated piece of another location's product where it's unlike the cold streets outside and there is more nature to enjoy the openness of that happens to share aspects of what is outside of this place. We seem to learn the easiest from the handicap of natural comfort we normally would not have access to so consistently in places we feel the most comfort in given the state of mind and body is ready. From here we are able to experience the gifts of creation given there is comfort with room for growth of awareness that may eventually lead to less need and more of an understanding or what makes us happy as more training wheels on the consciousness are able to be removed. When someone has moved on there is no reason to return to anything but only to review. I see this addiction as unavoidable as the root of it is the fragility of flesh and the way information is processed. We come back to everything we do because there is something we are subconsciously processing to use permanently to experience more when there is nothing to experience. Less is always everything that isn't specific but integration and filters need to be more open or entirely removed and with that what we feel is us. No one drops that, so this is why longing occurs. Losing this results in dysfunction of the body and mind but allows life to be experienced through any sensation. This is what we need as a whole but this will also destroy everything as is in our current state of being. With this said I can only guess that this life is meant to gather a specific set of information from a certain base of observance and interaction to use for something else and we are using the disposable vessels made for it to be sacrificed for this but the mercy relies on our ability to further learn and thrive if a way is found through this. Addiction is the nature of conscious life and it's purpose that allows connection and variety, but to overcome addiction would be to abandon life to a large extent physically if not entirely.     

Night

 Sometimes in my daily life I'll come across something that makes me focus on a small niche of entertainment or a hobby because of how vast it is to me. I'll think about taking in all its information it gives me through my senses and storing it somewhere before exhausting it and moving on like there was never anything that happened at all save the memory of it and the span of my focus on it. Often this will always lead to an accumulation of things, some kind of collection and it's appealing on it's own for such a representation of its world and how much deeper in information can be found. Yet before I even get started I stop myself, I've never gotten anything out of life this way but somehow the value of immersion and self exploration can be found in them. These things appear to be locked from the inside and force will only lead to loss and and an absence of value. Everything I have found I often drunkenly stumbled into at one point or another. Nothing to lose and gave something a try sometimes without realizing it and then a wealth of information was open to me as I traveled that path and accumulation of things was only what occurred as a result. Some of these things were the center object of that world that gave access through their meaning and location attachments to new ways of exploring the data of this experience. Such attachments are usually the result of the user's path interacting with the content of the object, everything the object has experienced and then holds. The injection into at force of will into any class of media belonging to a specific set of data, the consumption and knowledge of some specific kind of foreign cuisine, or the collection of interesting objects bought with the intent of finding some sort of resolve for something in your life only later amounting to waste because this was an empty interest you can't connect your network of experience to, to access its own. Nothing will come out of anything but chance and direction of will. If something matters it will show itself and you will accept it without immediate realization because the path already contained it as part of its content and must be moved through. Take a text file, make another, upload each to a CD, sell the items, make an online market place dedicated to the items, attract collectors and become one yourself of your own items created to fill space in a unique way and allow constant activity. This is a created world but it's isolated, anyone can be fooled into thinking the solitude is what makes this valuable but only if there is nothing but rest valued and no desire for further experience. If it's not an a space to stay in it must allow bridging through spontaneous content interaction. Not everything that brings occupation holds accessible value.

Night

 With the new year fast approaching I thought about the idea of the year and how time should be looked at and used differently. Time does not need to be our enemy. I don't think years should be kept track of, only the cycle of it while what falls behind is a memory from a certain month and time. There is no use focusing on the specifics of what cycle one thing or another happened, only the event. I look back and the last thing on my mind is the year attached to it, I only know the sequence and the thought of the year only stops me in my tracks and does me no good. Progression forward and focus on the moment is where focus should be. Life does not need such a burden of constriction. There is a issue with harming others and the synergy between this and a punishment culture with authority over the past of others. People shouldn't be doing willing harm to another and there shouldn't be outside authority being the judge of it that had no involvement. Forgive the debts, do away with the currency, dump the drawers of strictly catalogued and dated notes and documents, instantly forgive and get to work on a new design. An easy way out but a process that has been nearly abandoned besides what naturally pushes us along until we are guided there when we won't even recognize our own bodies anymore, this is where it will all go anyways. Our own destruction in a million ways also tightening the hold of time be degrading our well being leading to aging and death, this all does not need to occur. These things do and can happen but if the nature of the dream we live in is fully realized and new possibilities in the molding of it and creative force we are capable of is considered this can all change. Time has been created to get aspects of what we witness in order much like the beliefs that hold this cage that has been collectively built. The only thing that needs to be done to release us is the desire and direction to do so. 

Night

 As I was outside doing what I always do after the holiday madness died down I was blessed with various small gifts in the form of chance happenings and despite the loss from before I was given much more when I was open to receiving them and the cold night air itself shown me what is was like to feel and use what I was given while still receiving any outer blessings. I had it in mind at some point to pick up a couple loafs of bread at my usual restaurant but I was told they ran out and the only place next door was a different place I used to go often that I don't go to anymore but they happened to have one left of an old favorite item from years back. I thought I wouldn't find myself doing so again but I was shown how nothing ever moves in a straight line, it's all here at once but is pulled from different areas of that pool to our points of observance by what is used in that space to our conscious points. What's commonly used is always in relation to other things in the immediate environment and a result of conditions we are bound to by them. I felt this way before and in a similar situation a long time ago but only some data was brought in or pushed away since then and as a result conditions were different. The base though when this openness is felt is always constant but we need to be ready for its teachings. These are what will show you how to live more authentically through integrating all levels of being and what to do through what is perceived as ordinary experience. Though everyone is different there seems to be ways to live through it consistently so that it gives us the power to move while we are all evolving through different processes under it. The base is all that can be formed and used, it's worship is what is used to allow it to let you feel it. God is never worshiped willingly unless spontaneously and without intent.

Day

 Recent reflections in my life directed me to the topic of force and its role in various aspects of life. Whether the action is with or without conscious involvement all expressions of force are nothing but limiting and influencing. In nature this holds no motivation, things happen as a result of something else sometimes affecting a conscious being whether in a positive or negative way in the perception of the individual. But something else happens being uses brute force on another where no matter what occurs leads to unsatisfying results. Such harsh force drains even the one using it to get something elseand the receiver is never better off. Though all that can be done is as valid as anything else from a higher point of view it's different from below. For consciousness to experience itself fully only openness and gentle influence will allow anything bound to the physical to flourish. The use of all resources available, the acceptance of all biological differences, and what can be done to bring about a functional heaven for all with room for continual ascension. To ask myself to imagine this doesn't result in anything useful. What it did do in return is show me that our relationship to healing is just as difficult to understand outside of what clearly doesn't work. 

Morning

 Recently the way things have been lately has made me shift my focus to the value of time. I have things I can do but wouldn't be able to do at my full potential unless the timing was right. Setting the foundation of something new should probably be acted on quicker given you have the resources but even this requires timing. It can be difficult to decide on what you should do with your time but the most simple way to a decision is whether it would lead to more options in your life later, is something you would like to do to some extent, and clears a blockage in your well being. There may even be times where something will but there's no access to such a path yet and this is acceptable too as there's no finish line to reach but goals can be set and as flexible as need be at that. There will never be only ups and downs, sometimes you won't know where you are at all or where you were going but it's important to keep moving anyways. The most important thing of all whatever you may do is not the beginning or result which is always subject to change but how you get where you are going and what you'll be taught. 

Morning

 I was thinking about how suddenly life changes and how so much happens but if I had no reason to think about the event then it almost didn't occur at all given I at least remember it in relation to other events leading up to now. Between what's considered dreaming and this experience there's no difference besides where our focus primarily is. One choice has the power to change everything, these things happen every day but we never notice unless a drastic change of mind or location occurs. The will and strength of spirit dictates what anything under is able to do but we often don't have such power to manipulate experience to the extent of creating an object in front of us or flying at will. But the unpredictable continuation of consciousness, and ability to manipulate to a smaller extent the air or move an object without body says this all is possible. All possibilities are open but we do not know how to access them. Something appears to desire strict order but total disorder would not be as much of a problem under free creation as we might think. There would just be nothing but life, absurdity, and every being doing whatever they wish. Entire worlds brought into creation for any number of reasons without effort for a single being. Perhaps this is what is always occurring but focus is preventing a higher perspective on what is going on. There's no reason to wake up, only to learn total manipulation as there's nothing to be experienced outside what is formed but what was already being used. Many often say they want to do more but since we are just observing from a single form we already are but we actually simply want to give that much power to our own form we have the pleasure of interpreting that sensory information through. Our own precision and its limitation prevents anything desired to take place for the same area we have the most presence in. 

Night

 In the store I used to use as a bus stop in the cold years ago there was a display featuring a color changing light with a very soft glow isolated from the others. I was usually instantly entranced by the way each one of the light rainbow of colors faded into another. Surrounded by the rest of the dull atmosphere of the place it was what it represented to me. I saw it as a display of the open nature of life and possibilities it holds. Those open to its elevation and willing to receive its blessings will. Presented as anything I exist under it's protection and anywhere I go a path will be formed through. It's difficult not to worry sometimes but in this dream one is never given what they would not be able to handle. Evolution always takes place under any conditions because the only option is to do so, life must always adapt or the reason all is witnessed will no longer have purpose. There is no way for creation to invalidate itself, what occurs is all that could be done.

Day

 Lately the cold hasn't been bothering me much. The wind going down the hill where it tends to have a tunnel effect was about painful enough to almost put me into shock but I always make it and so this time I stopped focusing on it and felt nothing out of the ordinary from any other weather condition. Yet at the same time I would see people just going from the parking lot to their car or a store in distress and clear pain from the short exposure. This extreme is viewed as a form of pain when it's actually just a change but due to such conditioning the body becomes unstable and prone to damage much faster, the conditioning does harm the fastest. The problem here is conditioning keeps us safe to some extent but only in a very small space and causes conflict with those outside it also wrapped up in their own or under other's, a blockage that will only hurt us if another solution where limitation isn't an option isn't found. Resolve will only come when all conditioning on the collective given life is removed through a gradual clearing once all process has run its course. By that point we will no longer recognize our bodies, ourselves as we are now unless we somehow remember. These small realizations and integration of them is what is most important now and equally as important as anything else. This is the journey of soul, to learn under constriction and continually find new ways to resolve constriction and enjoy individual experience.

Morning

 Sometimes I'll hear a song that stays with me for a very long time. Often it'll first come to me with a network of current associations but the essential quality of it is that it has an ability to apply itself to many similar sets of experience in my life. It is acting as a carrier for something that isn't limited by physical aspects though it's interpreted through them only to be blocked by any way through but in that case if already observed will find a way though other means since it was recorded and was allowed to continue. Its form and value may be altered by what it's being presented through but what the mind records may continue to carry its original state that has such significance. At this point its entirety or chosen selection becomes language itself and the lyrical content no longer matters as long as it was part of it previously because it becomes just part of the carrier. There's no name for this language but it's dominant over all vocal and body language. It can carry any information to any sense in any way given a path is open. Its presence can be felt in the air itself always maintaining a constant blanket over the world and to think that a language is also an integration into the base of all creation acting as its feedback loop is both somewhat intimidating and comforting all the same.