Night

 With the new year fast approaching I thought about the idea of the year and how time should be looked at and used differently. Time does not need to be our enemy. I don't think years should be kept track of, only the cycle of it while what falls behind is a memory from a certain month and time. There is no use focusing on the specifics of what cycle one thing or another happened, only the event. I look back and the last thing on my mind is the year attached to it, I only know the sequence and the thought of the year only stops me in my tracks and does me no good. Progression forward and focus on the moment is where focus should be. Life does not need such a burden of constriction. There is a issue with harming others and the synergy between this and a punishment culture with authority over the past of others. People shouldn't be doing willing harm to another and there shouldn't be outside authority being the judge of it that had no involvement. Forgive the debts, do away with the currency, dump the drawers of strictly catalogued and dated notes and documents, instantly forgive and get to work on a new design. An easy way out but a process that has been nearly abandoned besides what naturally pushes us along until we are guided there when we won't even recognize our own bodies anymore, this is where it will all go anyways. Our own destruction in a million ways also tightening the hold of time be degrading our well being leading to aging and death, this all does not need to occur. These things do and can happen but if the nature of the dream we live in is fully realized and new possibilities in the molding of it and creative force we are capable of is considered this can all change. Time has been created to get aspects of what we witness in order much like the beliefs that hold this cage that has been collectively built. The only thing that needs to be done to release us is the desire and direction to do so. 

Night

 As I was outside doing what I always do after the holiday madness died down I was blessed with various small gifts in the form of chance happenings and despite the loss from before I was given much more when I was open to receiving them and the cold night air itself shown me what is was like to feel and use what I was given while still receiving any outer blessings. I had it in mind at some point to pick up a couple loafs of bread at my usual restaurant but I was told they ran out and the only place next door was a different place I used to go often that I don't go to anymore but they happened to have one left of an old favorite item from years back. I thought I wouldn't find myself doing so again but I was shown how nothing ever moves in a straight line, it's all here at once but is pulled from different areas of that pool to our points of observance by what is used in that space to our conscious points. What's commonly used is always in relation to other things in the immediate environment and a result of conditions we are bound to by them. I felt this way before and in a similar situation a long time ago but only some data was brought in or pushed away since then and as a result conditions were different. The base though when this openness is felt is always constant but we need to be ready for its teachings. These are what will show you how to live more authentically through integrating all levels of being and what to do through what is perceived as ordinary experience. Though everyone is different there seems to be ways to live through it consistently so that it gives us the power to move while we are all evolving through different processes under it. The base is all that can be formed and used, it's worship is what is used to allow it to let you feel it. God is never worshiped willingly unless spontaneously and without intent.

Day

 Recent reflections in my life directed me to the topic of force and its role in various aspects of life. Whether the action is with or without conscious involvement all expressions of force are nothing but limiting and influencing. In nature this holds no motivation, things happen as a result of something else sometimes affecting a conscious being whether in a positive or negative way in the perception of the individual. But something else happens being uses brute force on another where no matter what occurs leads to unsatisfying results. Such harsh force drains even the one using it to get something elseand the receiver is never better off. Though all that can be done is as valid as anything else from a higher point of view it's different from below. For consciousness to experience itself fully only openness and gentle influence will allow anything bound to the physical to flourish. The use of all resources available, the acceptance of all biological differences, and what can be done to bring about a functional heaven for all with room for continual ascension. To ask myself to imagine this doesn't result in anything useful. What it did do in return is show me that our relationship to healing is just as difficult to understand outside of what clearly doesn't work. 

Morning

 Recently the way things have been lately has made me shift my focus to the value of time. I have things I can do but wouldn't be able to do at my full potential unless the timing was right. Setting the foundation of something new should probably be acted on quicker given you have the resources but even this requires timing. It can be difficult to decide on what you should do with your time but the most simple way to a decision is whether it would lead to more options in your life later, is something you would like to do to some extent, and clears a blockage in your well being. There may even be times where something will but there's no access to such a path yet and this is acceptable too as there's no finish line to reach but goals can be set and as flexible as need be at that. There will never be only ups and downs, sometimes you won't know where you are at all or where you were going but it's important to keep moving anyways. The most important thing of all whatever you may do is not the beginning or result which is always subject to change but how you get where you are going and what you'll be taught. 

Morning

 I was thinking about how suddenly life changes and how so much happens but if I had no reason to think about the event then it almost didn't occur at all given I at least remember it in relation to other events leading up to now. Between what's considered dreaming and this experience there's no difference besides where our focus primarily is. One choice has the power to change everything, these things happen every day but we never notice unless a drastic change of mind or location occurs. The will and strength of spirit dictates what anything under is able to do but we often don't have such power to manipulate experience to the extent of creating an object in front of us or flying at will. But the unpredictable continuation of consciousness, and ability to manipulate to a smaller extent the air or move an object without body says this all is possible. All possibilities are open but we do not know how to access them. Something appears to desire strict order but total disorder would not be as much of a problem under free creation as we might think. There would just be nothing but life, absurdity, and every being doing whatever they wish. Entire worlds brought into creation for any number of reasons without effort for a single being. Perhaps this is what is always occurring but focus is preventing a higher perspective on what is going on. There's no reason to wake up, only to learn total manipulation as there's nothing to be experienced outside what is formed but what was already being used. Many often say they want to do more but since we are just observing from a single form we already are but we actually simply want to give that much power to our own form we have the pleasure of interpreting that sensory information through. Our own precision and its limitation prevents anything desired to take place for the same area we have the most presence in. 

Night

 In the store I used to use as a bus stop in the cold years ago there was a display featuring a color changing light with a very soft glow isolated from the others. I was usually instantly entranced by the way each one of the light rainbow of colors faded into another. Surrounded by the rest of the dull atmosphere of the place it was what it represented to me. I saw it as a display of the open nature of life and possibilities it holds. Those open to its elevation and willing to receive its blessings will. Presented as anything I exist under it's protection and anywhere I go a path will be formed through. It's difficult not to worry sometimes but in this dream one is never given what they would not be able to handle. Evolution always takes place under any conditions because the only option is to do so, life must always adapt or the reason all is witnessed will no longer have purpose. There is no way for creation to invalidate itself, what occurs is all that could be done.

Day

 Lately the cold hasn't been bothering me much. The wind going down the hill where it tends to have a tunnel effect was about painful enough to almost put me into shock but I always make it and so this time I stopped focusing on it and felt nothing out of the ordinary from any other weather condition. Yet at the same time I would see people just going from the parking lot to their car or a store in distress and clear pain from the short exposure. This extreme is viewed as a form of pain when it's actually just a change but due to such conditioning the body becomes unstable and prone to damage much faster, the conditioning does harm the fastest. The problem here is conditioning keeps us safe to some extent but only in a very small space and causes conflict with those outside it also wrapped up in their own or under other's, a blockage that will only hurt us if another solution where limitation isn't an option isn't found. Resolve will only come when all conditioning on the collective given life is removed through a gradual clearing once all process has run its course. By that point we will no longer recognize our bodies, ourselves as we are now unless we somehow remember. These small realizations and integration of them is what is most important now and equally as important as anything else. This is the journey of soul, to learn under constriction and continually find new ways to resolve constriction and enjoy individual experience.

Morning

 Sometimes I'll hear a song that stays with me for a very long time. Often it'll first come to me with a network of current associations but the essential quality of it is that it has an ability to apply itself to many similar sets of experience in my life. It is acting as a carrier for something that isn't limited by physical aspects though it's interpreted through them only to be blocked by any way through but in that case if already observed will find a way though other means since it was recorded and was allowed to continue. Its form and value may be altered by what it's being presented through but what the mind records may continue to carry its original state that has such significance. At this point its entirety or chosen selection becomes language itself and the lyrical content no longer matters as long as it was part of it previously because it becomes just part of the carrier. There's no name for this language but it's dominant over all vocal and body language. It can carry any information to any sense in any way given a path is open. Its presence can be felt in the air itself always maintaining a constant blanket over the world and to think that a language is also an integration into the base of all creation acting as its feedback loop is both somewhat intimidating and comforting all the same. 

Night

 I was thinking about how tomorrow I'm going to take it easy and enjoy the simple pleasure of doing my usual work and getting a couple loafs of fresh bread from my favorite take out place. It's all I do regarding bread now, I barely bake my own anymore. Bread started as a passive comfort for me when I had less. Filled my belly and upon learning how to make it, helped me progress in other areas. I learned more about myself through learning about it and applied it to other areas of my life. But it boiled down to just another comfort that I found myself wrapped up in over time that is now just a staple in my life. It seems every way I find up in my life has a comfort attached that first benefits me but then after assisting whatever is the teacher it holds me down by the weight of its previous value until it's abandoned or becomes a minor aspect of my life used for space. Yet if I was to abandon everything I have minus the clothes on my back then the pain alone would teach me nothing and most value would only be found when a new comfort that allows for both mental and physical expansion arises, a divine area for you formed from what is available at the time but can never be permanent. Based on my own development much of what I have learned has been in the direction of recognizing possibility, understanding the place of all things occurring, and the gradual elimination of blockages. Overall the dominance of soul over mind and mind over body. A change of command more times than not occurs or at least even if it always was soul directed the path of function for being changes. Eventually all tools used and possibly even experiences fade besides soul level archival but what's learned gives birth to new ways of life with what is available but there is no desire to go back as comfortably existing when such a significant change has been made under what the teachings revealed is always better than the previous lack.    

Day

 I often wonder what goes through the head of a bird every day. They both think and feel without the complexity of human language but even with that expression they seem to lead such richer lives due to their sense of belonging with one another and no long term goals but survival. There is occasional species to species conflict but when it's over, it's let go of in an instant. They attach themselves to nothing yet flourish like no other. This tells us a lot about the collective uplifting of consciousness and how it is partially expressed on a biological level. What I see from the surface of looking at this situation at hand are presence and forgiveness of the highest degree. Seek no negativity and you'll find far more of something else. But in the end consciousness can only learn and ascend, choose poorly and something else will be learned and the process will be longer. What's the best way to live in this case? Why not just return to wholeness and skip such nonsense? This probably swings around to a previous thought I had on this is all being an act, self entertainment. 

Morning

 As I was typing up all my previous posts and doing a little editing here and there I thought about many of the views I expressed and noticed the more open I become the more I realize that everything is an act. Everything is playing a role that serves purpose only in whatever occurs due to an action taken. The neutrality of source has nothing to express because it desires to, it only does as it needs to because the only option for such a power of creation is to experience all aspects of itself in everything that is possible to give life. It would be even more absurd to do nothing at all even in the absence of motive.

Day

 I'll often hear the phrase that we are the witness or the observer and what it means I really felt today sitting outside after work. I can't just stop observing, what is manifested around me is an interpretation that makes the most functional sense. The possibilities of being are endless since no matter what the observer will just adapt to different conditions. You can lose yourself to some extent you can lose your mind but the observer is always what it was and what it desires to experience under the current conditions anything under it's will is helpless to disobey due to every action that can ever be made is desirable. From there on today the only question I had left was "What am I going to do today?".

Night

 As I was sitting in the mall tonight waiting I over heard someone say "that's his store!" , I feel this simple statement is part of why so much suffering exists Personifying places and things, it hurts far more to say you lost your money than just some money or "your" store just closed down. IKt's a gateway to a bond that will only end in disaster since there is nothing there to return life personally. These things are only tools, they allow access or give you a product that does. They can hold great value but once such a dead connection is formed it will only drain the one who let that happen. Use what you wish but remember that use to you is all it is.

Night

 One time I tried to catch the feeling of Winter in a small music project where I took a few tracks and isolated them down to or more accurately into only the lightest static chimes, it was never released anywhere but there was one picture of a Christmas tree in the Home Depot parking lot where the inspiration came from one day. Cold, nearing the holiday but being alone with no other way to tell it was besides the store I felt nothing even though it made me aware. The dull comfort that presented is what I tried to create. I only looked forward to some fresh bread when I got home, heavy clothes but I'm lighter than air. No strings attached I realized I was on permanent vacation.

Day

 Walking through the mall is quite the surreal experience for me now. Every location has a different world attached to it, the mall I used to know now is just a dream with many parts and they never stay still. I have nothing much left to make so all experience is closer to its own nature of always coming and going at the same time. I can't recall when anything ended. I just look below me and notice there's no longer any ground. I move from one immersion to another and I can never tell when the last faded into the next. I don't know where I am if it can be called anything at all in the absence of one thing or another. Either way I'm ok with this, it's only what it is at any given moment and I never need a reason to interact however I do with whatever this is.  

Night

 When I drink kava I seem to enter a different space. There's a blanket of silence over the world, everything is presented to me as a connect symbol to something else and that is simply how everything flows. The beauty of this state is most often experienced near sunset when the world takes on a lighter scheme of colors that are more emotionally vibrant. I feel a deep sense of peace otherwise unreachable if not for accessing this state at a time that allows it. On this note I would say it's more of a sensory gateway that can only be accessed when the mind is open and quiet enough. Every little sound becomes an ech of all I ever needed but my background goals of what I'm doing and what I have to do turn it into something more like a effortless balancing act considering the infinite life it has flowing through me. The end is never abrupt but it always leaves me feeling like a hole was left in my being until I forget. I'll remember again when I have to and it's never my choice.

Morning

 When I had to take the bus to work it was one of my favorite parts about the situation at the time. The morning light shining in, the cool air, and getting to observe the world for a while from a perspective of removal from other aspects of my life. When I'm on the bus on my own going elsewhere left only to observe others but not speak much I'm just a traveler. For a while I'm not bound by anything at what I call home. A new life with new people, no one immediately knows you out there. You have a chance again but only with what you have on your back and in mind. No one is there to tell you where to go, the only direction is the morning air and what others present to you as someone they don't know yet.

Night

 I've recently decided to cut down on my bread consumption to once a week. It unexpectedly both increased my energy and left a more empty feeling in me physically. It doesn't seem like I eat much anymore. Mostly living on the life my orgone pieces give me and going back to source like this or rather closer at least has given me a permanent sense of positive familiarity with the world around me. Nothing specifically resonating from events in my life but  connected to some. I feel guarded by its embrace yet this world will eventually burden my body enough to kill me. Backwards but moving on, a path somewhere leading nowhere but where I go. Always a loss but you can never go wrong.

Day

 When I find a coin on the ground I tend to think about imperfection and error in a complex system. All of these coins once professionally produced from an exact calculation of resources now tossed away and if not found before going missing beyond typical reach or being destroyed will be just another irreversible loss. A tightly controlled system of money will always fail. due to the unpredictable consciousness in a material world and uncontrollable aspects of physical resources. A system of tight control is bound to be damaged by the unpredictable overall. Conscious beings can't operate within complex systems constricted by the absolute need of it. The way out of a lack of abundance for everyone and the vast possibility it contains is as simple as realizing what we are and acting on our need and desires within fluid systems that respect the vast nature of consciousness in the physical. Acceptance of its variety and solutions to the lack of attention to its needs. An easy way to a paradise where consciousness and technology are used to their fullest beneficial potential for everyone but a bitter pill for the crowd and heavily self constrained to swallow. A new foundation of freedom must be in place before the slow end to suffering can come about under the oppression of consciousness disrespecting systems.

Night

 When I arrived at my grandmother's house a little early the TV wasn't blasting the news in an unexpected turn of events. The environment felt so different without stories of fear, violence, and death filling the place that it could have been a different place altogether. Whatever the source is even if indirectly filling out heads, it doesn't matter. These things happen but there's no reason to be exposed to it all constantly and all at once. It's best to observe what mostly happens in out own immediate environment. You can choose to use some media or word of mouth to have some other unavoidably inaccurate observation but there shouldn't be obsession with any observation. There has never been value in any forced suffering even through passion especially in observance through any medium besides what you personally assign. The only way is open, personal, and honest if we are ever to move forward despite the popular adoption of a starving mob's unpopular target disguised as something that will bring peace. Violence in any form though will happen regardless of circumstance will only breed more of the same. We must accept all of our being divided, adapt, and change.

Day

 I've never liked the holidays for their flashy expensive atmosphere. Buying or receiving has always been the more stressful part of it. I prefer the spaces within the festivities. Walking in the bright cool air, the good stuffed bread on the table, or being busy at work by it all. It allows me to feel an abundance that only comes from the lack of a heavy sense of time or almost total lack of altogether. It allows you to feel what you need to, to give you direction without language. The things that will continually or eventually give you life through their mundane nature. A way of communication we don't know but can understand and use.

Morning

 Recently on a rainy night I went to the mall with my father after drinking that evenings kava, it wasn't too strong and I wanted to just be somewhere else. In my state of disconnect from any hard association that would immediately spring to mind and no desire to be lured into to any of it's flashy offerings outside of a distance  I was enjoying it all the same. Memory from other parts of my life and their pools of references flooded my mind constantly but gently. I get an old favorite thing from the food court and sat down realizing that I never went anywhere at all.

Day

 Some years ago I got hired by a family friend at his small shore side food stand. Despite the disgusting conditions I liked it for the location. I felt a world away even when it was time to go home. In fact it embedded itself itself in all locations I visited at the time forming it's own space in other every day spaces linked to that shoreline. I found more release in this than I did with anything else in my life at the time. Everything was bright again and sometimes I'm even able to return. I would say finding something that gives you space to breathe again is as simple as finding a way to create it through somewhere you probably been before. The power of creation we contain is far more personal than we've been lead to believe even when it's partially public anyways.

Morning

 I have a funny relationship with peace of mind. I always need some sort of flow even if it sharply darts off somewhere it pleases often. The root of why I do so much I do in life I'm finding. Last night I couldn't just enjoy some music I already had and aimlessly browsed around on the internet on a heavy bowl and then some of kava. I needed to post on my blog, watch something new, plan things I couldn't. The odd flow allows me to feel the vast space around me in a more satisfying way. This feeling is an extension to me of why I keep moving. I think stillness is misunderstood as movement is always constant somehow but if something causing you to stall where you want to move the focus should be on getting around it. But if the absurd nature of life has taught me anything so far it's that it will never be what you expect it to be at one point or another. Serenity can be surprisingly messy when it needs to be.

Day

 I often like to think about what life is like when no one is looking. From the smallest lie of a pushy salesman to me welcoming business being used for far more seedy activity when the crowd is gone. Not because I'd like to see myself as a negative person but the nature of the modern world has far more authenticity, there's more comfort in seeing the whole picture than a business man pretending he's happy because you are. In a way maybe he really is but what is anyone without their money and pleasures? Is there a way out we can desire more? These are hard questions to swallow but the answers we need from others before we get there can be even more difficult.

Day

 One time I overheard one of my first managers say that " no matter how much you make, it'll never be enough.". I of course got the idea of it but now the line cook throwing a fit over having bad hours makes more sense than it ever did. Sometimes I think it might have been a celebration.

Night

 Sometimes I'll hear a song just out of hearings reach when I'm out somewhere and it sounds like one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. I'll let it loop to myself for a while in my mind and feel it open whole new spectrums of emotions I never felt as much as I ever did for so long. They form something I can't put my finger on but it brings gifts of hope and renewal.

Day

 I watch a lot of urbex on youtube often and I find that whether it be a calm Summer day in my old house or this condo sometime in the afternoon the quiet stillness feels no different than someones abandoned house. There's no one around and you feel like the only one for miles. You're not so lonely at the time though because the air itself feels like home but not quite.

Day

 After various flavors of minimum wage work over the years I've learned accuracy and perfection is not only entirely ridiculous under any sort of system to maintain and be maintained but completely impossible, and professional is only as far as an appearance can go with it. If you seek peace in balance you will only find disappointment. More specifically you can but never search if you are balancing something at the time, it'll find you. It won't ever be what you expect it to be either.

Morning

 "6:30 PM Pasta Dinner" , those words have come to mean more to me than I'd ever thought they would die to family dinner over my grandmother's on Tuesdays.