Night

  I would like to think that I strive for abundance in such a traditional sense where there is an abundance of material things and the most indulgent of foods to eat at any given moment. But in striving to feel the most lucid throughout my life I often find a flavor of deprivation of the body with only offers a window into continuation with more open senses unclouded by total indulgence fully chained to the physical. It came back to me recently in struggle for my comfort as it did in the past when I only desired the novelty of many things indulged on. Novelty and indulgence was nothing more than a rest stop before returning to the border of what I needed to feel alive and open to the currents of energies and full spectrum of emotion available. An eternal state of active rest where whether I'm waiting for something or I'm surfing the internet through the eyes of my own neural network. Life is felt at a constant and death is the only undercurrent. Suffering is over consumption without value and hardwired connections. I exist only when passing through for however long it takes but fail to when I stay. If it allows passing it allows tranquility.

Night

  Everywhere I go on a Summer day seems to be punctuated with what would be considered unpleasant scents or on that border that on another note are the strongest connected to good places in my mind. The weird scent out of the back of an air conditioner, a specific flavor of what could be coming from a dumpster near by, or the scent of cheap breakfast and fried food in the air from a local Chinese take out joint. These odd smells are nothing like a typical holiday candle but the these most mundane and occasionally offensive to some scents are what we to a large extent map our experience in this world by. There is often an undercurrent of the desire for luxury and fine dining but these novelties fade fast. Once the curiosity is blown these experiences are often empty, void of personality and alien much like for example on the other front of the style of modern homes with white sinks, white tiles, and silver toned fixtures. There's a desire to experience after only a middle ground with all senses included as they are. What is obsessed with clean professionalism and rigid standards is often miserable but the traditional and average is far more enjoyable to an infinite extent due to the sensory connections flexibility. This does not mean that there is often a desire to live in filth though for many, the key point is integration. Exclusion leads to error but integration has solutions with flexibility. I could from my own experience say that flexibility is the answer if given direction.

Day

  This morning after breakfast I was drinking my coffee and blowing through hands on video poker as I was doing other things online in an attempt to by chance get up on the leaderboards and actually get the cash prize. In a moment of awareness of the mechanical action of what I was doing and the way I was viewing life at the time as just numbers and processes with various connections between them. There is an underlying current of zen and it's associations in process and progress without an end goal or knowing it will all come tumbling down anyways. Meditations on wealth manifestation to that lucky decorative art on the wall of some Chinese take out shop that at first don't seem to be in connection at all. These things of high value may come and in different ways depending on what you value in accumulation throughout your life and the experience is less stressful as long as you're aware and experience from within these processes. To leave them is to just leave these processes and move on to others within the human realm or otherwise. Here is where I think you can find some peace if you find a flow for yourself in them that allows continual integration without negativity that generate large amounts of positive outcomes. Eventually you find new ways within these systems to get more out of them and go deeper into them in your experience as a human. This is all it is and ever was here, to feel and integrate is enough. To stop would be to disconnect which in itself would not be negative in itself and will occur anyways. Another aspect to take notice of is that to reach such a peaceful active state requires awareness of it but without fear. It's up to the individual what they want to do  but no matter what the situation is there must be an active flow of information gained from experience through both flesh and soul and efficiency is often awarded with security.   

Night

  From various things in my life currently this Summer has been off to a rough  and confusing start, leaving me with not much grounding to give me a sense of balance as I find a new one to go off. Thinking back to Winter though I'm not much of a fan of it's freezing wind and despise any more snow than a dusting of it, how still and quiet it gave me access to a mental space overlapping the world around me where despite the absence of much pleasure and the warmth of the sun on my skin outside as I collected the daily cans and bottles had a constant gentle flow. At the time being a heavy kava drinker, I was under a constant embrace of stillness from that but I've felt this independent of any addiction I've ever had or progress I had towards anything at the time. I figure that's where I want to get back to more consistently to give me more grounded vision than the strobe light effect of daily life of whole pots of coffee a day and multiple pills of yohimbine mixed with the confusion of sudden change and uncertainty. But I also know I want to learn to fly though and life in the slow lane was never my thing despite appearing cold and calculating to myself more often than I'd like to be when it comes to keeping a constant flow of money coming in that'll never fully sustain me anyways.The best course of action I have is to keep moving into this unknown territory and let it mold me in hopes that I can find something else worth while to integrate the current of my actions into that'll allow a more gentle exit later.  

Day

  One of the things that brings me the most joy even in the most mundane points of my life is the scenes around me and the ability to isolate them out of context to connect them to another. Without this there would be a lack of connection and a lack of inspiration to keep moving. This subconscious net is what brings together all aspects of my life through the senses. To some extent this is a further integration of the collective unconscious creation through action. To feel this and look at anything in my field of view and take it as face value seems to be very nearly impossible much like you wouldn't be able to stop a video just by looking at it and desiring to. This makes me wonder more so what our function in this data pulling is and what path we should take to make sure we maximize its nature and use it for everyone's good because clearly we have more ability to mold through energetic and subconscious output the world around us in ways science currently doesn't entirely acknowledge or denies is a possibility. If I can tie a grocery store to street corner and delete a cloud from the sky what else can be done? Where is the limit and defines that? There is no other way to go but with technology into where direct subconscious influence over our environment to make changes is. It's time the physical gets fully integrated into it's upper connections with more interaction and intent.

Day

  As I was taking photos outside and decided to attempt to take some of birds I noticed that subconsciously they acted as a center piece in the environment I was taking a picture of enhancing the rest of what was there in the photo. Without these creatures these scenes would otherwise have not been taken. I then upon observing this quickly realized they had the same effect through my vision too. I thought about it more and I believe these creatures have more function than we collectively think they do in an environment. They give the outer environment structure and turn empty spaces into a new home with their presence. They are an indicator of the overall health of an area when it comes to energetic balance. The more centered, the more life. A clear indicator of something that is currently destroying this is when after a test of a 5G network over an area the birds were the first creatures to get ill and run for cover. If we want to thrive as a species we need to start paying more attention to birds as part of the messaging system that was given to us and use it to measure what we should be doing to maintain a more energetically healthy environment. The entire division between the biological and the unconscious aspects of the environment we live needs to be merged under a new a foundation in line with truth rather than the skewed in many respects science made by man with the involvement of any drive other than benefit of our species and coexistence with what is different than us in ways we can't completely understand yet. Division was always the enemy, comes in many attractive forms, and birds are part of our ancient measure of both the destruction caused by division more distantly and first disturbances in the energetic fields we live in that are harming the weel being of all life under its influence.

Day

  I often find as time goes by that I just keep going back into previous cycles but with new ways to navigate their perspectives more efficiently coming to more open ended outcomes into other places within the data these cycles contain. The passage of experience is able to unlock them given there is still a base for them otherwise you will go somewhere else entirely. This uncertain path though you will learn a lot if there are experience feedback loops left unresolved will act as a chain to the ghost of those cycles. It's important to not reckless when it comes to change and be gentle. These bases to me are something in disconnect from ourselves personally but a standard location that consciousness can live with peacefully and move through the contained data fluidly of course leading to more positive outcomes and more sub locations that are made available. All things felt are as valid as any other but suffering is not always movement. To drag yourself into darkness just to feel it's curses while like all else will teach you something doesn't always lead upwards again easily where the infinite is more accessible. This in itself from this elevation can present its own challenges though in discerning what should be done. Even such a downfall from far enough away can be quite attractive without vividly considering the limitations that will constrict your body and psyche. Balance is the key but some structure to your life is extremely beneficial. Finding peace at a glance with open eyes can seem like total contradiction because how much content and variations of such can be included but looking even closer anyone will see that it's only something close to this there is no term I can come up with.

Night

  Recently after a rough period I decided to quit drinking kava but I found myself after getting past the initial withdrawls just going back to yohimbine in coffee. I feel these these things like much else in my life are in perfect alignment with the path I must go especially such events leading up to an explosive end to my time with the root and back into the wild currents of yohimbine pumping through my veins. I don't know where any of this leads exactly but I've come to the current conclusion that the meaning of life is to personally clear through experience all you can and feel thoroughly throughout the entire process. There doesn't need to be pain forced where it shouldn't be if it's not in alignment with what you want for yourself just as being say as healthy as you possibly came as fast as possible isn't either. Even balance is not key, it's a personal ride with many connections feeding information into its gears to function. Movement is acceptance of yourself as you feel and integrating love in whatever form it comes as into your flow that doesn't need to be a specific. What makes this such a difficult concept for humanity to wrap itself around is that it is no extreme but has a possibility to be one, the neutrality of love is so foreign and absurd that from a distance it looks like chaos but eventually something more beautiful and functional arises even from a world of conflict if it means for us multiple lifetimes worth of time and contradiction. But source is not cruel, this is what our function within it and between each other has brought us and that's where it both ends and begins. To experience peace would be to be in connection from the outside of these cycles but this was never the goal even though anyone you meet desires such a state of being, we here to experience and build source's neurological system so that it continually has new paths to explore itself physically divided and psychically connected. Soul is always at rest, it will take care of the rest as it's direct connection over the trickle down experience of consciousness.  

Day

   Sometimes I enjoy looking at the sky with an absent minded perspective, often without realizing at first I'm doing so. I feel at home and complete as if anything else is under what I'm experiencing. The darkness and fragility of the human experience is often blinding but what's beyond this is easy and unconditional. Recently I was thinking of us as characters and how our drama is just a complex act. When I drink enough kava this is extremely pronounced. I'll indulge in sadness just to feel, I'll get angry because I want to experience. I'll experience things just because it allows that wiggle room in the moment. This is experience from the inside and without it this movement would not occur. Similar to a show or act. It's importance is irrelevant as it can end at any time and whats outside functions with or without soul level interaction anyways. It must hold something though as there would be no reason this all exists. The most powerful vision I've ever been shown was of a mirrored sky far away while still physically on the ground. Invincible what flowed from it through me is what keeps me alive and moving. If anything is done, everything is fine. We live for less than 100 years in most cases, this is nothing to what is outside. Just a dream to navigate. I had a dream last night and looked in a mirror without realizing I was having one and I was a completely different person in a familiar place and unfamiliar situation. If I didn't realize this this only tells me every experience is equal to it. We play roles in our own environment for the show we are constantly learning from It's times like these I'm so grateful for the gift of life even if not ideal and only getting darker. After the worst I'll know another experience, I'll realize more when I'm free into the sky again I couldn't get from any other incarnation on earth. Essential? Possibly not but useful if a time calls for it then it was worth something for what it was. Be the best character you can be, that's all you know and it's the only chance you'll get to be this one. 

Night

   Tonight I was looking at some reviews for restaurants I was considering. I tend to like to read the lowest reviews because they usually display something more authentic about human misery. How people act under stress and deprivation shows how though we are naturally kind beings, we also have a core that overrides all of this in certain conditions that also can allow through misguided hostility. Everything looks worse from the people to the world. This is one of our worst flaws and an issue with these flesh vessels altogether. The limitations set by various levels of pain. Some can be resolved, others may not currently. The modern world has not changed people as much as many tend to think but revealed under its umbrella of technology and social media what people always had the capability to be. There are many when happy will also want to inflict some sort of negativity on others in the same fashion on another side of this same coin. But again and again we are shown we are capable of moving beyond this through actions and emotions. But it hangs on conditions and I feel this is where the problem is. Where does one issue begin and another end. One action that hurt someone else did come from another and did it really hurt someone or was it that the person was conditioned too much by another thing in their life to be much more hurt by it than they were. All of this from the source would need to first be untangled to solve much of anything or at least begin to.
   From a higher perspective it can possibly be seen but a perspective can't reach down and change anything. Action needs to be taken and the majority must agree after seeing clearly enough. This often brings me to thinking about the nature of the human physical experience because on one level or another as long as there is pain this vessel can't bare for long then it will continue and misdirection will continue in the name of a bad mood or life. A tired person can't feel awake, a hungry person can't stop thinking about food unless something suppresses it but even then it eats away at them. Through this all we have meaningful experiences anyways, sometimes things are just to be experienced and it's such a strong urge. Almost instinct that doesn't have origin in the flesh, my only answer is that this is just a collective archive accumulation. When we experience pleasure and the absence of most pain but the mind remains we finally see this. We realize insignificance in a positive perspective removed from what is usually perceived that's more accurate. The lack of clarity defines everything here but the introduction of more of it increasingly renders the flesh useless. This only feeds back into itself, to end all suffering would be to end everything but this unique experience would be erased. Our drive to live biologically is all that still holds it together layered with fear of death and more pain. To lose this would free us from this prison but end this unique experience. The end goal is to break the cycle for good but when is the right time? No one is ever ready, the more its waited on the worst it gets but the more experience is gained. The answer is probably out of our hands due to our limitations of what our senses can use and how they're used with our bodies. The only thing that can be done is keep it in mind and hope the mind isn't corrupted as easily but our biological systems aren't invincible and eventually it occurs even if this all is realized. How can we live closer to the space outside the cycle?

night

   When I first started getting into the internet as we know it today I was obsessed with collecting data and dividing it. Any movie I enjoyed, I had to download it. Any image from a search engine related to something I liked or from an image board if even in the loosest way possible. But as I got older, started running out of space, and realizing how infinite data is I stopped doing so, keeping only what I had use of at the click of a button. A single 1 TB could store a single image copied any number of times or copied and slightly altered with each copy and be filled eventually. This image can somehow be bloated past 100 MB's or more. What if the drive breaks? Concepts like this and the amount of formats available used that can hold identical or nearly so data made me wonder what the actual value is in hoarding data, personally I feel it's something for a network of machines building an archive of everything available on any network ever, updated by the minute, and accessible to anyone but to the average user if this is not strictly personalized and put into divided folders then without a constantly updated whole it's just going to be a mess. There's satisfaction to be found in that for the user who over time puts effort and backs up what their personal archive is and by putting it on the internet can even contribute to the satisfaction of others. Yet in order for mass gathering and availability to occur someone needs to make that system and pay for that hardware. We archive to satisfy and possibly leave something behind but a machine only does what it needs to at the hands of the programmer. It doesn't care about what content it carries, it doesn't care if this is the same image with a different file name, nor does it care what anyone thinks about said content. It simply gathers and gives at the will of the creator. Since this is still human will at work and nothing is going to do something like this on it's own and many of us hold the desire to be like this machine, what does this say about us? What about how someone doing something just to know the feeling of it? This is not just computer data but data on the outside too unable to be completely inputted into a system as complete as experienced. We have a strong desire to know, sometimes for not much of a reason at all and keep it with us and we do at some level. I believe this is key to understanding part of our purpose as we exist now, we gather and each in our own unique way. Two people may look at the same picture and see something entirely different creating a difference in the data of that experience in connection to that photo. Something was created on both ends and the more people that see it the more will be created, the same two people can look at it a different time and get different results to. What is storing this though specifically? Everything that occurs is not useless and has some sort of splash effect but we can't always observe it, this occurs outside of the subconscious but as a result of it often. What would any sort of events be without memory? Something that occurred, this memory does not need to be anything we would view as significant but our source appears to need it and we are the extension that has been given amnesia just to get it all. This is the nature of things that occur, things done to learn for no purpose in particular. Sometimes we as conscious beings use it but otherwise there is no reason but that there is nothing left to do. If god is everything than it's up to it's own unavoidable movement to organize itself continually and create within it. This has no limits that can be reached and the individual is able to do anything to contribute. What is done individually should be done in value to you with learning in mind knowing that even when this life is lost nothing will be that has previously happened. Technology to grasp more and make available data from our own species on our own networks a file at a time is only an extension of what we were created under but our biology has limits. Limits resulting in interesting functions in themselves but still begging the question of what will happen when we can no longer handle our technology to gather and progress further? This is already occurring under the surface, so many falling ill and dying due to radiation from our own devices from the wifi router to the cell phone. To go back to health would be to either destroy or lessen these technologies effect on our biology but this would leave us with little other options and our brains can only learn so much, so fast especially in specific contexts. A single book can take over a week but a machine can scan and analyze the content in possibly less than an hour. This struggle itself creates only more data but the bigger question is now knowing this is what is the most authentic and valuable way to live and progress as both individuals and as a whole with everything else? What will satisfy but also allow the most variety? 

Day

  When I'm in a car going somewhere further than I normally walk I tend to take interest in the sidewalks between places or the narrow strip of road that can barely be called one in relation to where I'm going. Usually the store or going somewhere to eat offers a manufactured modern comfort with many ways to enjoy it yet you're bombarded with products offering something natural with connections to a place you would find outside the dull streets outside or even in terms of a certain grocery store organic. Things from outside at some point in direct connection with a natural aspect of our world largely untouched by humans given through means far less so. From my experience as a walker unable to drive myself what is felt that is most vibrant on the outside without any forced pleasure of sight, sound, or touch are isolated aspects of sensory input  from things experienced. Things that occupy my mind and bridge gaps where there's nothing but concrete and cold air, it gives this vague area life I can use so that I don't stop moving. Without this there is nothing but input and the absence of self is uncomfortable. There's nothing to do, nothing to say, and nowhere to go. Anything that is felt is the final answer, that's all there is presently from where the point of observance is. But these places to go and what they offer is catering to an addiction we need to thrive, the addiction to comfortably experience the whole of our own world brought to us in a way we can appreciate with our senses. Many will walk into a grocery store and buy organic produce to cook later, they possibly been to a store of ready made products before or simply enjoyed the night sky from the comfort of a vehicle or the parking lot itself. Maybe it was a restaurant where they were served exotic food and this bond with the area they were outside of this experience has now been interconnected with the essence of the location outside allowing the aspects of of it to be felt as an extension of the related restaurants focus that happens to be less industrialized. With this they may feel motivated and healthy with a more open perception in attention to details of the world around them but they didn't make these things they used, they didn't contribute to their harvest. They only spent some money and moved somewhere in a position to observe what they did and how they did. Nothing had to occur but the experience of connection through a separated piece of another location's product where it's unlike the cold streets outside and there is more nature to enjoy the openness of that happens to share aspects of what is outside of this place. We seem to learn the easiest from the handicap of natural comfort we normally would not have access to so consistently in places we feel the most comfort in given the state of mind and body is ready. From here we are able to experience the gifts of creation given there is comfort with room for growth of awareness that may eventually lead to less need and more of an understanding or what makes us happy as more training wheels on the consciousness are able to be removed. When someone has moved on there is no reason to return to anything but only to review. I see this addiction as unavoidable as the root of it is the fragility of flesh and the way information is processed. We come back to everything we do because there is something we are subconsciously processing to use permanently to experience more when there is nothing to experience. Less is always everything that isn't specific but integration and filters need to be more open or entirely removed and with that what we feel is us. No one drops that, so this is why longing occurs. Losing this results in dysfunction of the body and mind but allows life to be experienced through any sensation. This is what we need as a whole but this will also destroy everything as is in our current state of being. With this said I can only guess that this life is meant to gather a specific set of information from a certain base of observance and interaction to use for something else and we are using the disposable vessels made for it to be sacrificed for this but the mercy relies on our ability to further learn and thrive if a way is found through this. Addiction is the nature of conscious life and it's purpose that allows connection and variety, but to overcome addiction would be to abandon life to a large extent physically if not entirely.     

Night

 Sometimes in my daily life I'll come across something that makes me focus on a small niche of entertainment or a hobby because of how vast it is to me. I'll think about taking in all its information it gives me through my senses and storing it somewhere before exhausting it and moving on like there was never anything that happened at all save the memory of it and the span of my focus on it. Often this will always lead to an accumulation of things, some kind of collection and it's appealing on it's own for such a representation of its world and how much deeper in information can be found. Yet before I even get started I stop myself, I've never gotten anything out of life this way but somehow the value of immersion and self exploration can be found in them. These things appear to be locked from the inside and force will only lead to loss and and an absence of value. Everything I have found I often drunkenly stumbled into at one point or another. Nothing to lose and gave something a try sometimes without realizing it and then a wealth of information was open to me as I traveled that path and accumulation of things was only what occurred as a result. Some of these things were the center object of that world that gave access through their meaning and location attachments to new ways of exploring the data of this experience. Such attachments are usually the result of the user's path interacting with the content of the object, everything the object has experienced and then holds. The injection into at force of will into any class of media belonging to a specific set of data, the consumption and knowledge of some specific kind of foreign cuisine, or the collection of interesting objects bought with the intent of finding some sort of resolve for something in your life only later amounting to waste because this was an empty interest you can't connect your network of experience to, to access its own. Nothing will come out of anything but chance and direction of will. If something matters it will show itself and you will accept it without immediate realization because the path already contained it as part of its content and must be moved through. Take a text file, make another, upload each to a CD, sell the items, make an online market place dedicated to the items, attract collectors and become one yourself of your own items created to fill space in a unique way and allow constant activity. This is a created world but it's isolated, anyone can be fooled into thinking the solitude is what makes this valuable but only if there is nothing but rest valued and no desire for further experience. If it's not an a space to stay in it must allow bridging through spontaneous content interaction. Not everything that brings occupation holds accessible value.