Night

  From various things in my life currently this Summer has been off to a rough  and confusing start, leaving me with not much grounding to give me a sense of balance as I find a new one to go off. Thinking back to Winter though I'm not much of a fan of it's freezing wind and despise any more snow than a dusting of it, how still and quiet it gave me access to a mental space overlapping the world around me where despite the absence of much pleasure and the warmth of the sun on my skin outside as I collected the daily cans and bottles had a constant gentle flow. At the time being a heavy kava drinker, I was under a constant embrace of stillness from that but I've felt this independent of any addiction I've ever had or progress I had towards anything at the time. I figure that's where I want to get back to more consistently to give me more grounded vision than the strobe light effect of daily life of whole pots of coffee a day and multiple pills of yohimbine mixed with the confusion of sudden change and uncertainty. But I also know I want to learn to fly though and life in the slow lane was never my thing despite appearing cold and calculating to myself more often than I'd like to be when it comes to keeping a constant flow of money coming in that'll never fully sustain me anyways.The best course of action I have is to keep moving into this unknown territory and let it mold me in hopes that I can find something else worth while to integrate the current of my actions into that'll allow a more gentle exit later.